Forgiven?
by Arikae
Summary: Post-trust metric. Colby doesn't understand why the team can forgive so easily.


**Author's note: This is another idea from daydreamer2425 (I'm still shocked she hasn't watched a Numb3rs episode and yet can come up with ideas). I'm not sure this is what she was expecting. I got a little lazy and seeing as it is _another_ post Trust Metric, I decided to make it short and sweet. Just some angst and fluff :D**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.**

 **Warning: un-betaed - take this warning seriously. I've realised I'm getting more and more careless with my grammar.**

Don Eppes stormed up to his desk throwing his badge and keys in his draw before slamming it shut. He looked over at Colby who was sporting a bruise on his left cheek and a split lip. Don could also tell by the way he was moving that the perp got in a few punches in his ribs. "What the hell were you thinking!?"

Colby jumped at the volume of Don's voice as did everyone else in the office. Colby looked around, a little embarrassed about being dressed down in front of the entire office but he knew he deserved whatever Don dished out today. "I wasn't." He said simply.

Don frowned and turned to David, who shrugged. "Damn well you weren't but you better write something in your report other than 'I wasn't thinking!'"

"Sorry, Don. It won't happen again." Colby sat down at his desk and pulled out the after action report pad.

Don's anger died down at Colby's concession. It's been over two months since they found out Colby wasn't a traitor and over a month since he officially returned to the team. It was what everyone had wanted, including Colby but he hasn't been the same as he was before the Janus List was reveal. Colby has always been a great FBI Agent. He followed orders but if he believed he was right, he would defend himself. It didn't feel right that Colby just conceded to being wrong without one word of explanation.

Don got up and gestured for David to follow him. "Don, I know you're angry but Colby did what he had to do. I'm sure of it." David defended his partner. Don led him to the briefing room and closed the door. They were both looking through the glass at Colby.

"I know that, David. I just wish he would tell me that." Don gestured to Colby before turning to David. "He didn't wait for you before following the perps out the backdoor."

"I was busy cuffing the ass who took a swing at me." David told him. "Colby went after the two but he called in his position and they hadn't made him yet."

"The problem is there were two of them!" Don held up two fingers to emphasise what he was saying. "Two perps we consider dangerous. He should've followed without making contact, let alone get into a brawl with them."

"I didn't see what happened, Don, but I'm sure he had a good reason for why he approached them."

"Then why won't he tell me instead of just…" Don didn't even know how to describe the man's lack of action right now, "…apologising!"

David chuckled, "Are you complaining that he's not arguing with you?"

Don rolled his eyes. "I'm complaining about his lack of explanation. When I pulled him off the Dwayne Carter case, he argued with me even when he knew he was wrong. He even dared to bring up what I did on the Crystal Doyle case. Now…" Don sighed. "Now he's just following orders and taking the crap I give him."

David knew Don was right. There was something off about Colby. He's been too compliant, as if he was scared of doing anything wrong. "I'll take him out for drinks tonight and hopefully get him to talk." Don nodded. It was the best thing for now.

* * *

That night, Don read Colby's report. He'd been following the perps after they thought they had lost him, calling in his position. He would've stayed at a distance if a group of schoolgirls hadn't bumped into them. The men started harassing the girls giving Colby no choice but to engage them. He didn't pull his gun because he didn't want to end up with a hostage situation. He walked up to one, casually and punched him across the face. It was enough to turn the men's anger on him and forget about the girls. One of the guys grabbed him from behind, giving the other one a few free punches in before Colby threw his head back, smashing the man's nose, making him let go. That was when Colby drew his gun and David arrived in time to cover the other guy with the broken nose.

Don closed the folder. So David was right, Colby had a very good reason for engaging the men. Which now begs the question, why didn't Colby defend himself today?

Alan came into the dining room and saw his son looking as if he'd killed a cat. "Hard day at work today?"

Don pinched the bridge of his nose, "You can say that." He closed his file and took a swig of his beer. "Let me ask you something, dad. What would make a man change from being confident to being compliant?"

"By confident you mean..."

Don shrugged, "Someone who would defend himself if he's right and admit when he's wrong."

"And compliant meaning..."

"Always apologising, doing whatever I ask and _not_ defending himself."

Alan thought hard before answering. "You know when you were a kid, before Charlie was born, your mum and I bought you the above ground pool you've always wanted. It was very little but you begged us for it."

Don chuckled, "Yeah, I think I remember it."

"Well, you see, we didn't want you having one at first, because we were worried for your safety, so we set a really big list of rules and if you broke even one, the pool was going back to the shop."

"I don't remember that."

"You didn't go into that pool for a week." Alan shook his head at the memory. "You were so afraid of breaking a rule and losing the pool that you decided that not going in is the best way to keep it around."

"Really? Wow...why don't I remember that?"

"We set you straight though and you finally jumped in." Alan laughed. "So the point of the story is...whoever this person you're talking about..."

"Maybe he's afraid of doing something wrong." Don finished as he realised what his father was saying. Colby was afraid of losing his job?

* * *

David clinked his bottle against Colby's, who wasn't even paying attention to what he was say. "Earth to Colby."

Colby took in a quick breath when he heard his name, as if waking up from a dream. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"I was saying, that girl over there hasn't taken her eyes off you since we walked in here." David gestured to the woman sitting at the bar with his beer bottle.

Colby looked over his shoulder at the woman in a short red dress, red shoes and red lipsticks. He gave her an uncomfortable smile before turning back to David with a glare. David covered his mouth, stifling a laugh. "Not my type, thank you!"

"Come on, Colby, you need to get out on dates more. In the two years I've known you, I haven't seen you with a girl." David tried to loosen him up.

"In the two years you've known me I was undercover. Hard to meet girls when you're trying to not blow your cover." It was only for a split second but David caught a look of guilt on Colby's face. "Any kind of relationship would've been a lie."

"You would never do that. If you started a relationship it would've been for real…Just like our partnership, right?" David knew Colby well enough to know he was loyal to the core. If he made a friend it was for life.

Colby smirked, "Are you comparing out partnership with my relationships because I don't bat for the other team?"

Don knew Colby was trying to steer them away from their topic of conversation. "Why didn't you explain to Don what really happened?"

"What do you mean?" Colby asked, confused with the change in topic.

"I mean, I know you well enough to know you don't take those kinds of risks unless you had a good reason to."

Colby shrugged, "He was right. I shouldn't have gone after the guys alone."

"Colby…"

"I'm kinda beat. Do you mind if I go home first?" Colby got off the stool and headed out without waiting for an answer.

David sighed at Colby's retreating back. "Sure."

* * *

Colby closed his eyes and fell back onto his bed. It was an exhausting day, both physically and mentally. Ever since he was placed on Don's team, Colby knew that this was the team he wanted to stay with, but he knew it would be a long shot because as soon as he completed his assignment the team will know he has been lying to them from the beginning. It was a relief when Don accepted his proposal to stay on with them in L.A. As much as he knew working in D.C would be a great opportunity for him to climb the ladder, it wasn't what he wanted. He became an FBI Agent to catch the bad guys. If he could do that for the rest of his life then he would die a happy man. He's doing exactly what he's always wanted to do. His teammates have accepted him, so why wasn't he happy? Why was there something in his head telling him that this wasn't going to last? Something Liz told him a while back on their first case together kept niggling at him. _Just don't count on being forgiven twice._ Well, he has been forgiven twice now. What happens if he messes up again? _This is as good as it gets for you, Colby Granger. Don't mess it up._

 _Colby looked at the syringe Lancer had just emptied into him. "Tubercurarine, it gives the effect of slowly drowning." Colby tried to take deep breaths but his lungs wouldn't allow him to. "You know no one is coming for you. You betrayed your team, they'll never trust you again."_

" _Go to hell."_

" _You first. I have another treat for you but I think I'll let your boss give it to you." Don appeared in front of him with a gun pointed at his head._

" _No, Don, I'm not a traitor."_

" _I don't give anyone more than one chance." Don pulled the trigger._

Colby bolt up in his bed, breathing heavily. He looked around frantically before calming himself after he realised it was all a dream… a nightmare. A nightmare he's had every night since Don told him he could stay.

* * *

David furrowed his brow when he stepped out of the lift and saw his partner, Colby Granger, sitting at his desk, reading over a file. It wasn't strange that Colby was in before him but it was today. David looked at his watch, 5.30am. He'd come in early because he had a report to finalise before Don but Colby finished his report already. David walked up to his desk, a little concerned that Colby didn't hear him coming. "You're early."

Colby jumped at the voice behind him. He didn't hear David arrive which wasn't like him. Usually he could recognise his teammate by their footsteps. He gathered himself and turned around, plastering a smile on his face. "Yeah, thought I'd get an early start on this case." Colby tapped his pen on the file on his desk.

"Which one is it?"

"The body of a John Doe washed ashore on Monday." Colby rubbed his eyes, "Not much to go on."

David nodded, taking off his jacket. "I'll help once I get my 302…" He opened the blue folder on his table and saw it was his report; completed waiting for his signature.

"I had time so I finished it for you. There wasn't much left to do and you told me what happened at the bar so I just typed it up." Colby shrugged, turning away from his partner and back to his case. He could feel David's gaze burning into the back of his head. There was a lot of warning signs going off now, the main one being; Colby hated paperwork.

"When did you get in?" David asked the obvious question because he knew how much of his report he had left to do.

Colby sighed, knowing he couldn't lie. If David wanted to, he could pull up the time he swiped his I.D to enter the building. "About three."

David looked at him in disbelief as he turned Colby's chair around. "You didn't leave the bar until ten last night. Did you even sleep?"

Colby thought about that question, "I caught a few hours before my damn next door neighbours decided to have their on-going feud using their home entertainment system." It wasn't a lie, it did happen, just not last night.

David winced in sympathy. "They're still at it, huh?"

"Yeah." Colby turned back to his file, glad that David seemed to be buying his story. _So much for no more lying or keeping secrets._

David sighed. Colby needed a few more hours of sleep before the day started. He reached over and took the file from his partner. Colby frowned as the file disappeared above his head. "Hey, give that back." He protested as he tried to grab the folder.

"Go catch a few more hours of sleep on the couch in the waiting room. I'll read through this. I have time now that I don't have to do my report."

"David, losing sleep is not going to kill me."

"It could if we get into any trouble today. I don't need a partner dead on his feet watching my back." David admonished, knowing he wasn't playing fair but it was hard to get Colby to do anything that was for his own good unless someone else's welfare was also at stake. He wasn't expecting Colby to pale at the comment, though. "Colby, what's wrong?"

For a second there, the image of David yelling at him in the interrogation room popped into his mind. He took in a quick, sharp breath, recovering before David saw it. It was too late though, David saw something. "Nothing. You're right, I should get a few hours of sleep in. Can you wake me before Don gets in?" David nodded. Colby rubbed his eyes and headed to the witness waiting room. It was the only room with a couch.

David watched his partner walk away. Even from behind Colby looked exhausted. Hopefully a couple more hours of sleep will help.

Colby laid down on the couch and closed his eyes. He prayed the nightmares didn't come this time.

* * *

Don arrived about an hour and a half later to find two reports on his desk but not the two agents who typed them up. He saw David come out of the break room with two cups of coffee. "Thank you." Don held out his hand only to have David walk right past him.

"It's for Colby. He didn't get much sleep last night." David called back to him. Don followed, curious to see where the other agent was.

They entered the witness waiting room to find Colby tossing on the couch. Don frowned, pushing past David to get to the agent who looked to be in the midst of a nightmare. "Hey, Colb." He gently shook Colby by the shoulder. "Colby." Colby jerked awake, disoriented and confused. "Hey…it's okay. You're at the office."

Colby jolted again when he heard Don's voice. "Don!" He quickly got to his feet. "I'm sorry."

Don grabbed him as he swayed. "Sit down!" He lowered him back onto the couch and knelt down in front of him, taking a good look at the agent. Colby's skin was pale, under his eyes were dark circles and he was shaking. "You want to tell what the hell is going on with you?"

Colby shoved Don's hands off him, "I'm fine." He said weakly, annoyed at himself for getting Don angry again.

"You are not fine." David accused.

Colby glared at him. "I asked you to wake me before Don got here not get him to wake me up." He leaned his head back against the back of the couch.

Don rose to his feet, as he gave his friend a pat on the leg. "Colby, you should go home." He frowned he Colby looked to have frozen. "Colby." Don gave his leg a shake.

Colby opened his eyes. He didn't want a day off, especially one that was recommended by his boss. It meant Don thought he couldn't do his job. "I'm fine, really." He was almost begging Don to believe him. "I just need a coffee." He looked up at David, holding out his hand for one of the cups he was holding. He pulled it back, quickly when he saw how badly his hand was shaking.

"Coffee is not going to help." David said putting the cups down and sitting on the couch perpendicular to Colby's. "You want to tell us what's going on with you?"

"There's nothing…"

"Tell us what's wrong and that's an order!" Don winced when Colby jolted again at his voice.

"Don, why don't you lower your voice a little?" David suggested when he noticed Colby only jumped when Don spoke.

Don sighed, "I just want to know what's wrong with my agent."

"I'm sorry."

Don shook his head, exasperated. "Stop apologising. That's all I've heard from you since you've been back." He exhaled, frustrated at the situation. "I read your after action report. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I didn't wait for backup." Colby argued, though there was no conviction.

"You couldn't. The girls were in danger, which is why you engaged. You should've told me before I ripped into you." Don felt bad about the way he reacted yesterday.

"You didn't exactly ask." Colby said quietly.

"What?" Don frowned, not sure he heard right. This is the first time in a long time since Colby spoke up for himself.

"You just assumed I did something wrong." Colby resigned himself to his fate. Maybe he was never supposed to be a part of this team. He shrugged, "What's the point of explaining?"

"What's the point? I want to be able to trust my agents, I can't trust them when they…"

"Well, that's the problem, isn't it?" Colby interrupted. "Do you all actually trust me after every I've done?" David and Don exchanged confused expressions. "I'm not sure I could trust me."

Don rubbed his face, not understanding how the morning started out so badly. "Where is this coming from, Colb? Have we done something to make you think we don't trust you?"

Colby shook his head. "No, you've all been really good…too good." He groaned when he realised he was sounding like a mad man. "You told me what scares you most is losing trust." Don nodded, he had said that after they arrested Dwayne Carer. "Then why did you take me back?"

Don thought hard about how to answer that question. _Why did I take Colby back?_ "Because when it came down to it, when you had no one else to turn to, you called me. You trusted me to do the right thing. How can I not when you trusted me with your life?"

David leaned forward, resting his elbows on his legs. "Colby, I thought we put this all behind us. I trust you with my life everyday."

Colby ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He didn't want to talk to them. He wanted to start on the case and forget about this conversation; to make Don and David forget about this conversation. "Look, this is my problem, I'll work it out." He pushed off the couch, "We have too many…" He frowned when his vision started darkening around the edges. "too…many..." His hand came up to his head when the floor underneath him moved.

"Colby!" Don caught him under the arms when Colby's eyes rolled back and he collapsed.

"What's wrong with him?" David moved to lift Colby's legs onto the couch while Don lowered him.

"I don't know. Call down one of our doctors." Don laid a hand against Colby's forehead. It was too cool to the touch. "I should've notice something was wrong earlier."

"He hid it pretty well." David sat back down on the couch after he made the call. "He seemed like himself until something went wrong."

"Until I reprimand him for something and he just accepts it." Don closed his eyes. " _I_ should've seen it. He mainly acted differently with me." He remember the conversation he had with his father, "He's afraid of doing something wrong and losing this team."

"Someone called me?" Dr Wu was at the door looking at the unconscious Colby. "I should've guessed. What happened?" He pulled out a blood pressure monitor and rolled up Colby's sleeves.

"We were talking. He was a little…antsy…and then he just collapsed." David reported.

Dr Wu slipped on the cuff and tightened it above Colby's elbow before pressing the button on the machine. As the machine did its job, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope to listen to Colby's heart. He frowned, "It's erratic." He turned to the machine when it beeped. "80 over 40…that's too low." The next thing he did was measure Colby's temperature.

"I can tell you now his temperature is too low." Don told him.

Dr Wu nodded after reading the thermometer, "95.7, definitely too low. Not to mention he's still un…" Colby groaned as he slowly returned to consciousness, "Never mind. Can you tell me your name?"

Colby lifted his head from the arm of the couch, frowning at the doctor. "Colby Granger." He answered, dropping his head back down.

"Do you know where you are?"

"At the office." Colby closed his eyes when the room started spinning. "You're Dr Wu, my least favourite person in his building. Do you have any more stupid questions?"

Don and David exchanged grins, at least this Colby hasn't changed. "Don't take it personally, Doc."

"A little hard not to when he uses my name." The doctor joked, he was used to Agent Granger's attitude when he was sick. Any other time they bumped into each other, Colby was very friendly and civilised. "If I had to make a guess, I would say you're sleep deprived." Colby looked at him, not denying it. "I am going to give you a prescription for diazepam. It's the lowest dosage. One pill should help you sleep for about six hours."

Colby sighed, "All that will do is keeping the nightmares going." It was obvious Colby was still disoriented and confused, otherwise he would never have said that out loud.

"I'm guessing the nightmares are causing your lack of sleep. That is beyond my expertise." Dr Wu wrote out the prescription and handed it to Don. "Get that filled out and get him into bed. A full day of sleep should get him back on his feet."

Don shook his hand. "Thanks, Doc." He waited until the doctor left before he grabbed a swivel chair and sat down next to Colby. "Do you want to tell me or Dr Bradford what the nightmares are about?"

Colby exhaled. There was no way to avoid the talk now. "Mason Lancer."

Don looked over at David. They should've guessed. Nobody really came out of a torture session without nightmares. "I'm your boss, Colby, you should've told."

"I thought I could handle it but then the nightmares started getting mixed up with other stuff and…" Colby turned away, not wanting to tell them the other part of the nightmare.

Don put two and two together. Their previous conversation were of the Colby's insecurities about the team's trust in him and now they've learned about his nightmares. "Am I in the nightmares?" Colby couldn't look at Don. He kept his head turned away as he nodded his answer. "I'm sorry."

Colby frowned, turning to his boss. "What?"

"I should've seen this earlier. You haven't been yourself for so long." Don sighed, "I haven't been doing my job."

"It's not your fault." Colby tried to push himself up, but he didn't have the strength. David and Don helped him, sitting him up on the couch. "I really hurt all of you and…I can't understand how you can forgive me so easily."

David scoffed, "Easily? Hell, I didn't want to talk to you at all when you got back. There was nothing easy about it. I couldn't even work a case with you. Don mixed us around until I finally got it in my thick head that you were never pretending to be anyone but yourself."

"How can you know that?" Colby was stubborn when it came to forgiving himself for what he has done.

"Because if you were pretending, you would never have asked to stay." David smiled, "You don't run away from your problems, Colby. You never have. The day of the office shooting, most people would've handed in their badge and gone home. You sat at your desk and almost solved the case there. You're the same person today as you were the day you stepped into this office over two years ago."

"The only difference is, you're officially a part of this team because it's what we all wanted." Don smiled, "Every member of this team trusts you to watch their backs… but not while you're sleep deprived." Colby was surprised at the short laugh that burst out of him. Don gave his leg a pat, glad to pull a laugh from the stressed man. "You need to trust yourself, Colby because I do."

Colby closed his eyes, nodding. "Thanks." It was what he needed; to hear his team tell him that they trusted him. He relaxed as he felt the stress of the past few weeks lift from him and suddenly he felt like he was floating.

David smiled when he noticed Colby drifting off. He and Don laid him back down on the couch. David took of his shoes while Don loosened his tie and took off his belt, making him more comfortable. They were in the middle of this when the girls walked in. "Julie said Dr Wu…" Megan stopped when she saw what Don and David were doing. "Are we interrupting something?" She turned to Liz, confused.

Liz's eyes widened, "Should I be worried about our relationship?" She asked Don.

Don looked at his hand on Colby's belt. He quickly pulled it the rest of the way out. "It's not what it looks like."

Liz nodded slowly, "Right." She pointed at the belt. "So you didn't just take Colby's belt off."

"Well…yeah…I did…but…it's not…" Don gave up. "I'm not trying to seduce him!"

Megan burst out laughing, as did Liz. David shook his head, looking down at Colby and noticing him stirring at the noise. "Hey guys, sssshhhh!" He held out his hands, telling them to shut up. Everyone held their breaths while they waited for Colby to settle back into his sleep again. There was a collective sigh of relief when he did. Don gestured for all of them to leave the room and allow Colby to sleep peacefully. He closed the door quietly and grabbed a pen and marker off the nearest table. ' _Heads will roll if anyone enters this room! Don Eppes.'_ was written on the paper and taped to the door.

For the first time in weeks, Colby slept peacefully.

 **The End**


End file.
